When Life Gives Me Lemons…

 

……I throw them right back because I prefer apples. Apple juice. Not lemonade. Bitch.

You know those way-too-swiftly-passing moments in life when the Universe actually listens and delivers? When for fucking once, the odds are actually in your favor and you’re not feeling defenseless in this battlefield of life like little Rue of The Hunger Games (Is that still a thing, where we underline book titles?). I mean, your bank account isn’t overdrawn with three 30$ fees for each time you “accidentally” used your card for 5$ coffee? The house doesn’t look like an apocalypse paid a visit and didn’t even so much have the courtesy to close the door behind itself when it left? Your barely-in-kindergarten kids are actually asleep crying in bed because you forced them to before 1 am? Except, somewhere in that dark I-kinda-suck-at-this-whole-mom-thing- spot deep inside one of those layers of your perky wanna-be-super-mom soul you kinda sorta wish they’d just fucking turn into pumpkins at midnight and then maybe, just MAYBE you can pick up one of the 16 new books you ordered on Amazon and read page fucking ONE? Yea. I know girl. I see you. You ain’t fooling anyone with that rinky dinky social media front you like to put up. You want GOD DAMN PUMPKINS too. You’re in denial momma.

Well, yea. Life was temporarily just about right.

Then. Suddenly. Out of nowhere. As unexpectedly as Trump actually running for President, (so unnecessary to even add that in there). We got home from stressful days at work on a Friday- only to be greeted by a 24 eviction notice taped to our door. AND Not just any Friday, no no no. A Friday when I had 4 huge cakes due the next day. Clearly, nothing was packed and we basically had no fucking clue what to do. How irresponsible can we be? Well clearly pretty fucking irresponsible. Unfortunately we were renting a home that went into foreclosure, so we purposefully stopped paying rent (that would be the equivalent of just giving our money to some stranger for no reason because he was literally spending it on himself) and then it was just a waiting game. So we knew it would come we just didn’t know when. That’s NOT the point.

WHAT did we do?! Well sure as fuck hustled and got things done. While I decorated those cakes. Every single one of those 4, two-tiered cakes. It was pretty simple. I had commitments and deadlines. So I mean, the Sheriff was gonna have to hold his breathe. Luckily, we got what was important and said fuck everything else that wasn’t necessary.

And here we are! In the heart of the Hispanic ghetto where I grew up. In an extra bedroom in my grandma’s house. Crammed up like 15 circus clowns in a VW Beetle. The good thing is I have so many wonderful memories growing up in this house. Like that time my front door neighbor’s twin brother was shot and killed a few houses down. And those neighbors that used to have retarded parties and people got so drunk they’d jump the fence and actually break into our cars. Ah yes, a walk down memory lane.

The story goes on though. You see, in this Hispanic ghetto just a few weeks in, we finally find a home that we love and are in the process of closing and finally being homeowners. We were ecstatic to say the least. Until the day before Mother’s day. When a commercial box-truck driver decides it’s a good ole’ day to text-n-drive. He takes a red light at full speed, passing a busy intersection and T-bones the SHIT out of our brand new, very hooked up Jeep. With my kids in the car. And then has the balls to deny it and so no one gets a ticket because OF COURSE the camera lights at the intersection suddenly aren’t functioning! Neither is the camera right across from us outside of the shopping center. DUH! What’s worse…this piece of shit didn’t so much as ask how my kids were.

And so the rain shall motherfucking fall because wait, there’s more. We then find out the owner of that house we were given 24 hours to vacate from…is SUEING us because we apparently left a huge mess behind. Oh I’m sorry. My apologies for not scrubbing the tile prior to grabbing everything I could in a house where 5 people lived for 3 years and leaving within a day. Please. By all means….sue me.

It’s pouring. And my metaphorical umbrella is flipped outwards and broken. And there’s no shelter anywhere near by.  I’m basically carless and homeless and life is just peachy. But fuck it. I refuse to allow any of this shit to define me or my family. We are #teamgomez and everything will fall back into place with due time. And when it does, I know for a fact it will be better than ever. The universe is testing us. And I say fuck you Universe.  Fuck you, your mind-fuck shit-storm tests, and your lemons.

This too shall pass.

Unapologetically Yours,

111fox

Advertisements

Author: Ely

Stormy-day-Chaser, Wit-Warrior, Unapologetically-Cool-Mom, Humor-Junkie, Queen-o-Drama, Caffeine-Addict, Self-Made-Cake-Hustler, Ranter-of-ALL-things, Word-Thug, Pet-Unlover, Sassy-Introvert, Effervescent-Soul.

4 thoughts on “When Life Gives Me Lemons…”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s