In Response to A Mommy Blog

I just finished reading the most eloquently written blog post on Facebook. A friend shared it from mom.me and I was enticed only because some other friends complimented it/shared it again and I suddenly felt challenged. And I admit- it was beautifully delivered. It’s everything an English professor could ever dream of. But that doesn’t mean it didn’t piss me off.

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Ya’ll Haram-Be Trippin’

I am going to go APE-SHIT crazy! I’m sick of logging into Facebook and reading all of these ridiculous opinions about the fucking gorilla and the child in my newsfeed. Who ARE you people? The response to this tragic incident from imperfect people, including far-from-perfect mothers across the globe has literally nauseated me.

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No Ice-Ice BABY.. I mean, DICKHEAD.

This mini-shitstorm starts at the end of a pretty normal day. It’s after 6 and a close friend of ours has done us the favor of picking up JJ from daycare because for some reason or another, neither Joey or I are able to make it on time. Traffic probably sucked as usual.

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Vagisil Is Safe For Bubble Baths! (You’re Welcome!)

(RE-BLOGGED from my ex-blog Sass Past Midnight):

Needless to say, a lot has been-a happnin’ in the delirious world of yours truly over the last couple of months. I have been fidgeting and face-booking for like… 40 minutes, trying to organize my hot mess of a life in my mind and figure out a civilized fashion in which to spill my thoughts. But fuck it. You can throw newspaper over vomit but at the end of the day, the vomit is still there and ok that wasn’t the greatest analogy. Anyhow I was inspired today.

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Defective Parenting 101

Warning:  (I can’t find that word that means “caution” before or after writing something, to justify any misinterpretations by people who suck). I am at this very moment, high off of Percocet, patiently awaiting results to a CT-scan in the emergency room. I am therefore, not responsible for my writing. Bite me. Actually please don’t, I’m like in a lot of fucking pain. ‘ppreciate it.

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In Honor of All Bat-Shit-Crazy Moms

So my cousin’s wife and her buddy recently established a fabulous new little psycho-community on FB called “Bat Shit Crazy Moms.” When I saw my invite to join this group I was so giddy and full of joy my butt jiggled. Well. My butt is always jiggling. (note to self: handle that shit. Fatass.) Anyways… a “judge-free” zone where hundreds or thousands (God help us) of on-the-brinks-of-losing-their-shit-permanently moms can all go and bitch about how fucked up their kids are, how much they suck at  this whole parenting gig, how they fantasize about shanking their baby daddies in their sleep, or how they would trade coffee, ice cream, and oral sex for 5 months for just ONE quiet, uninterrupted, shit session. Yes, I said SHIT. 1 time. Can we have ONE private moment in the bathroom where we do not have to be pushing and simultaneously opening a god damn Caprisun or a zebra cake???!! Jesus CHRIST.

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